"you May Be Country If"

[tomcat]

-you thought Oral Roberts was a mouthwash-
-you got mad cause the milk cow ate bitterweeds-
-you got to go to the pitcher-show once a year-
-you only wore shoes when the ground froze-
-you went to the crib to pick off peanuts when it was raining-
-your city cousin don"t drink cows milk, he drinks jersey gold-
-you had to take "groves chill tonic" every winter, even though you are not sick...
-you helped clean "chittlins" during hog killing time-
-you had snow ice cream when it snowed-
-you had grape and strawberry flavored pop when the watkins man came by-
-you had a nightmare that you were drowning in a sea of gravy and didn't have a bisquit-

tom

[NateTheGreat]

If you doorbell song is dixie.(Based of my grandmas house)

[norris]

*If you've ever been to a cider squeezing.
*If you've ever picked up paw-paws.
*You through all your table scraps out the back door for the chickens.
*If you ever went on a hay ride down to the river, and cooked supper out on a gravel bar. On the way back home, you have a few pulls off Uncle Jack's bottle, to knock off the night time chill.
*If you've ever listened to "The World Tomorrow" on the radio.
*If you've ever got a dose of chiggers, while picking blackberrys.
*You haul hay at night when it's cool. But you have to watch for snakes under the bales when you pick them up.
*To stop a bull from running, you put a ring in his nose, with a long piece of chain on it. If he starts running he's step on the chain, and falls.
*You know it's impossible to herd hogs.
*"Close that screen door," your letting the flys in.
*For evermore. Well I never. Well I de-claire. Pashaw.
*Praise the Lord, and pass the gravy.

[PAPPY]

You made FROG HOLES in the sand.

You smoked dried mulberry root cigarettes.

You walked around on Tall Tom Walkers.

As soon as you were big enough to hold the hoe, you helped in the garden.

Dogs outnumber the people who live on your road.

Your daddy killed a snake by whooping it with a switch.

Your mother perked Luzianne coffee and chickory in a percolator with a glass bulb on top.

Your daddy made home brew in a stone crock, usually in the smoke house. It was sweet and you sneaked some and got tipsy.

[pescadore]

your porch caves in and kills at least 4 dogs

[PAPPY]

You faked sickness to stay out of school and go fishing.

You dug worms and put them in a Prince Albert tobacco can.

You seined minnows from a small creek.

You might also have caught spring lizards for bait.

Your float was a cork from a Griffith shoe polish bottle.

Your pole was a river bank cane.

Your line was MA's sewing thread.

You sat on the river bank and got red dirt on the seat of your pants.

You took a can of sardines for a snack.

When you caught fish you cooked them on the river bank.

[PAPPY]

You ran barefooted to the tobacco field with a jar filled with cold water to give the primers a drink.

You would play under the quilt at a quilting party and try to guess whose feet were whose.

Your daddy let you help him put the mules in the pasture when he got through plowing.

You know this evening means anytime after 6:00 P.M.

Your daddy gave you rides on his push plow.

You brought a leaf of tobacco to school for show-and-tell.

You played hide- and- go- seek in a corn field.

[PAPPY]

Meant to post this yesterday but forgot too...Hope you enjoy it.

PAPPY'S VALENTINES

Collards is green my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Your hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.
You glide like the fish, which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okra jist a fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as snuff right out of the can.
You have som'a yore teeth, for which I am proud,
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug a buzzin overhead,
You ain't mean like those far' ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete, Ain't nuttin I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin
despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin.
Me'n you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
we go together like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day,
They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.
Some men git roses on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger..That's impressive..I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
Diamonds are forever, they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, these things just won't do.
Cause yo're too special, you sweet thang you.
So I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds....
IT'S A NEW TROLLIN MOTOR !

HAPPY VALENTINE'S

[creekrat]

your flannel shirt has holes burnt in it from smoking prince albert.....creek

[PAPPY]

Your sister wanted a little sister so bad that she asked daddy if he thought he could order one from Sears and Roebuck, and he said he didn't know but he could try.

Everybody in town called you LITTLE BROTHER.

On Saturday night you had seven pairs of children's shoes lined up on newspaper, polished and ready for Sunday School.

Your church had revivals for seven nights straight, and you were made to attend all of them,,NO QUESTIONS ASKED !

You attended cottage prayer meetings is someones home.

Your daddy "hoped" out at the still on Saturdays during the off-season. They paid him with a jar of white corn liquor.