"you May Be Country If"

[Wyatt Earp]

And when Bubba seen the girl in the short shorts.....he said "whew-wee, that'd make a banty rooster pull a freight train"....

or...the way my buddy explained to me the concept of being broke, when he said...."If riverboats were a dime a dozen...all I could do is run up and down the shore yellin' aint that cheap!"

Wyatt

[PAPPY]

A boy orders an RC cola and a Moon Pie on his first teenage date.

The country girls could build a dam, tuck their skirts in their feedsack bloomers, grab a grapevine and jump in for a splash.

A girl could be a champion tree climber in her community.

You used the dasher and wooden churn to make butter.

You attended a corn shucking and raced to see who could get the most red ears.

You watched the wheat threshing machine at work at grandmas and ate the leftovers at dinner time.

If you had fried dill pickles on your menu.

[PAPPY]

You know what "Lighter knot" is, where to find it and what it smells like.

When you see someone cutting a big barrel in half, they are making a new pig cooker.

When you walk in the house and your eyes water and your nose runs from the smell of vinegar, and you know someone's making a sauce for the pig-picking.

You know what a looping horse is.

You put a dozen eggs in an empty oatmeal box for a neighbor.

You have shared a tub bath by the open fire with siblings in the winter and wanted to be sure others ahead of you had not had a nature call.

[PAPPY]

You skimmed cream from milk, put it in a jar and shook it until you had butter.

You had light wood to help get your heater fires going faster.

You picked potato bugs off plants and put them in a jar, and when you had 100 you got a nickel for a Pepsi.

Someone took your chewing gum off the bedpost.

You put old doorknobs in the hen nests so the hens would go back.

You were too tired to bathe, but you had to wash your feet.

Saturday was the only day you went to town.

The first load of tobacco sold meant shoes, so you could return to school.

You drank pop and not soda.

Pork n' beans, bologna and cheese and a moon pie was a luxury instead of a meal.

[PAPPY]

Well, I'll be sawed off to a stump !

If that don't make the rooster dance!

It will you do you good and count too!

There she am...Darn if she ain't !

[PAPPY]

All of the festivals in your town are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

You think the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit " A LITTLE WARM".

You describe the first cool snap ( Below 70 deg.) as good pinto bean weather.

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

You call your Sunday school book a "quartly."

Your mom calls and you will be there " da-reckly."

[PAPPY]

You got a new "Frock" for Easter.

You know that mustard is not only the yellow stuff in the bottle that you put on hot dogs, but it is also a type of green vegetable.

You know that pedal pushers are another name for Capri's.

You sat on the front porch with your grandma to help her do some cannin'.

You have to drive down a dirt road to get to church.

You know where Hoot Owl Holler is.

You know where to pick chestnuts up on the mountain.

You sold pine tips, sassafras roots,sang and wild vines for money.

.....YOU ARE WILLING TO TAKE A RIDE ON THE "REDNECK SLINGSHOT" LIKE THIS!

The Funniest Stuff On the Net - funny video of the day

[PAPPY]

You walked the railroad tracks until a train passed and the conductor would throw out candy and suckers.

You caught lightning bugs and stuck them on your face to glow at night.

Your elders told you Raw Hide and Bloody Bones would get you if you left the yard.

You know who Old Tom Dooley was.

You've made huckleberry jam.

You have shaved a birch twig down for a toothbrush.

[tomcat]

-you thought Oral Roberts was a mouthwash-
-you got mad cause the milk cow ate bitterweeds-
-you got to go to the pitcher-show once a year-
-you only wore shoes when the ground froze-
-you went to the crib to pick off peanuts when it was raining-
-your city cousin don"t drink cows milk, he drinks jersey gold-
-you had to take "groves chill tonic" every winter, even though you are not sick...
-you helped clean "chittlins" during hog killing time-
-you had snow ice cream when it snowed-
-you had grape and strawberry flavored pop when the watkins man came by-
-you had a nightmare that you were drowning in a sea of gravy and didn't have a bisquit-

tom