New Country Thread

[bdahunter]

The Gravedigger sent me this one and I had to pass it along.

\"If_My_Nose_Was_Running_Money\"_By_Aaron_Wilbu rn - Mel's Video Of The Day!

Cheers,

BDA

[MinelabMan]

That was hilarious, I'll try some of those lines on my wife

[EPC Guy]

Went to the site and it said that the video had been flagged for removal - so didn't get to see it...

[anne]

Originally Posted by EPC Guy

Went to the site and it said that the video had been flagged for removal - so didn't get to see it...

It just worked for me Shawn............but I couldn't listen to it as I'm using a laptop and can't find what to press for volume.....will listen tomorrow on my pc.

[Buster]

Good one BDA....Buster.....

[Dugday]

It worked for me too............ and I was laughing so hard, it hurts.

[Buster]

Here's a car joke.....Buster......

Caught Speeding
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.

Woman: Betcha he told you I was speeding too.

[EPC Guy]

Another good one, Buster!

[bbqcook]

Kids are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten
years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

______________________________________


TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________


TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, it's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

[bdahunter]

(Newfies by the way for my American friends are famous throughout Canada for their love of fishing, a good time, a bottle of Screech(east coast moonshine) and for not being the brightest stars that ever shone)

So Angus and Kelly decides to go on a fishing trip somes place exotic, so they drives all de way across Canada to Vancouver Island on the Pacific and finds a place ta rent a boat. D'em boys are some lost in all de little islets and inlets as quick as you can say Bob's your Uncle but finally dey finds a good spot to be afishin. Dis spot tis some fine and dey fishs all day until der boat is near sinkin from all of da fish.
Angus turns to Kelly and says "Dat was some fine fishin hole we found, my son my son."
Kelly says "Lord tunderin it sure was, wees should goes back dere t'morra and gets us sum' mor'"
"Brilliant Idea, lets comes back t'morrow" says Angus "De only problem I sees wid dis here plan is hows we goin to find dis place again as we was lost gettin' here and we'll be lucky to find ours way back to the pier in dis here dark."
Angus who is da brains of da two tinks and tinks till finally he gets im an idear. "I've solved da problem" he says triumphantly and pullin out his trusty knife from 'is back pocket, carves a big 'X' in the bottom of the boat. "Now's we marked da spot she'll bees no problem ta find her again t'morrow."
Somehow dey manages to find dere way back to da pier in da pitch black. Dere tyin' up da boat for da night at da rental place when Kelly starts shakin his head and moanin.
"Whats da problem my son" says Angus to is friend.
"Dat 'X' t'ain't goin ta work, Angus" says Kelly.
"Why sure it will" says Angus testily "Why wouldn't t'it work, I thoughts of it meself"?
"Well" says Kelly gravely to his much smarter friend "How's we know dat t'morrows we's gonna gets da same boat".
They were both gobsmacked at dere good plan gone wrong.