New Country Thread

[Digging Fool]

My wife and I used to own and operate a country store. I'm hearing-impaired, so keep that in mind. One evening, this young guy came into the store, and I was sitting behind the counter, and my wife(who has good hearing) was sitting a few feet away. This young guy asked me, in a very low voice, if we had any COFFEE. I told him we would make some for him, if he had a few minutes. He looked at me real "weird", and left. Then, my wife said he asked for CONDOMS, not coffee..........

[leesumm]

Tiff With Riley

"My God! What happened to you?"
the bartender asked Kelly as he
hobbled in on a crutch, one arm
in a cast.

"I got in a tiff with Riley."

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow,"
the barkeep said, surprised, "He
must have had something in his
hand."

"That he did," Kelly said, "A
shovel it was."

"Dear Lord. Didn't you have
anything in your hand?"

"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's
left boob." Kelly said, "And a
beautiful thing it was, but not
much use in a fight."

[PAPPY]

A lot of us on the forum are able to remember the 50's. For those of us who can here is a walk down memory lane. For those who can't here is what it was like back then...Just a short 52 years ago !

Comments made in the year 1955:

"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00."

"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2,000.00 will only buy a used one."

"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

"If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."

"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."

"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it."

"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it douwn in Texas."

"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000.00 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't suprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President."

"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

"I'm afraid the Volkswagen is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."

"Thanks goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress."

"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."

"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel."

No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's too rich for my blood."

"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, They are crazy ! "

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW !

Take Me Back To The Fifties

[Buster]

Good one Pappy...That makes you think some....Buster....

[anne]

Good read Pappy

[Buster]

Here is one more...Buster...

A woman went to the emergency room where she was
seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination
room, the doctor told her she was pregnant She
burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming. An older
doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to
her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.
Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the
first doctor's room. "What is wrong with you?" he demanded. "This
woman is 63 years old, she has two grown
children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was
pregnant?!!" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and
without looking up, said: "Does she still have the hiccups??"

[Digging Fool]

A truck driver had been on the road for two weeks, and when he got home, his wife met him at the door. She says "Honey, we had a robber in the house last night". The trucker then asks "did he get anything?". She then replies "Hell yeah, I thought it was you!"

[Buster]

Something about kids...Buster...

Life through the eyes of children..

Subject: FW: Life through the eyes of children..

1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She
was
stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout
from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a
note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this
child
are not necessarily those of his parents.

3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter
to
answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now.
She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in
the
women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks,
with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy
watched in
amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?'

5) POLICE While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
school, I
was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down
at
my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued
writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the
police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,'
she
said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my
shoe?'


6) POLICE It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in
front
of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you
got back
there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied.Puzzled, the boy looked at
me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?

'7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my
afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself
for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The
tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When
she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't
wear that suit.''And why not, darling?''You know that it always gives
you a
headache the next morning.'


9.) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
'I'm
just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't
write,
and they won't let me talk!'

[anne]

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail







I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the money back. Same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.







They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail







I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already buy-one- get-one-free," she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.







They Walk Among Us!







One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"












They Walk Among Us!







While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."







They Walk Among Us!!







I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."







They Walk Among Us!







My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.












They Walk Among Us!







My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.







They Walk Among Us!







I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?"







They Walk Among Us!







While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."







Yep, They Walk Among Us!

[EBCIII]

Anne !! I know these people! Some of them work with me, Beale.