New Country Thread

[Buster]

Anne, good post indeed...Beale, they also work with me also...Buster....

[peg leg red]

True story.. A little 9 yr. old kid in a depressed area
was riding his new bicycle on christmas day,,,
Two older boys were walking down the street , looking at him.
One said , Man' look at that crap,, ain't got no chrome,
no basket, no bells or nuthing... the other older boy looked
and said >> Yeah! but he ain't walking..............peg leg red

[createdlight]

two country girls standing in a field of corn in Texas, gazing at the moon, one says " I wonder what is closer the moon or Florida" DUH! says the other one... you can SEE the MOON!

gary

[Buster]

Sorry I had to put this one out...Buster...

My friend was shopping at the local supermarket where he selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,

A carton of eggs,

A quart of orange juice,

A head of romaine lettuce,

A 2 lb. Can of coffee, and

A 1 lb. Package of bacon.

As He was unloading his items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunkstanding behind him watched as he placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,'You must be single.'

He was a bit startled by this proclamation, but he was intrigued by thederelict's intuition, since he was indeed single. He looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about his selectionsthat could have tipped off the drunk to his marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of him, He said: 'Well, you know what, you'reabsolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?'


The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

[peg leg red]

Funny stuff Pappy,,, I'm holding my sides***....Here is something out of the ...
medical dictionary...............

" 8 classifications of expelling gas....."
>> A fizz.....A Fuzz
>> A fizz-Fuzz
>> A poot ..A tadda-poot
>> A rip gut,,,,tear azz
>> An' a 'moose call ******

[createdlight]

This guy had to put his mom in a Assisted living facilities, a real higher end one. It was a really nice place. On the first day his mom was sitting in her wheel chair in front of the tv and when her lean to the left they would straighten her up and when she leaned to the right, they would do the same, all day long they were very attentive to her. At the end of workday this guy when to visit his mom to see how things were going, Hey mom how do you like this place? Well... it's a very nice place..... BUT they won't let you FART!

gary

[Buster]

Not another one...Buster....


Subject: Ya Never Know

A guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an
hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink
and gulps it down in one swig.

The poor little guy starts crying 'Come on man. I was just giving
you a hard time, the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand
to see a man crying.

''This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between
sobs.
'I can't do anything right.' 'I overslept and was late to an
important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my
car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the
cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit
me.
So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end
to my life, and then you show up and drink the poison.

[Buster]

For the race fans...Buster...

BUBBA'S NEW TRUCK

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw
his buddy
Bubba driving a brand new pickup.

Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?'

Tammie give it to me' Bubba replied.

'She give it to ya?

I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?'

'Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened.

We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres.

Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and
headed
into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her
clothes
and said,

'Bubba, take whatever you want.'

So I took the truck! '

'Bubba, yore a
smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you!'

[Yardog]

Thanks for all the Laughs Everyone, I really enjoy them, Thanks again

[bdahunter]

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER
(the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and
while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up
and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and
walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and
she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that
she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in
for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were
locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they
finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back
of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud
noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the
back of her head.

When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and
thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly
recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone
noticed and came to her aid.

Linda is a blonde, but I'm certain that's irrelevant.