New Country Thread

[ERnurse]

A Baptist preacher, a Methodist preacher and a late night TV Evangalist are having a cup of coffee. They were wondering how each got payed. The Baptist preacher said at the end of service, he draws a circle on the floor and takes the collection plate and throws the money in the air. What ever lands in the circle is his pay, what ever lands outside the circle goes to the Lord. The Methodist preacher say's I do the same thing except, what lands outside the circle is my pay, and what lands in the circle is the Lords. The Latenight TV Evangalist say's, "Well, I do sort-of the same thing. I take the offering plate and throw the money up, but whatever the Lord want's, He better grab while it's in the air, because when it hit's the ground it's mine.


Rob

[EPC Guy]

A very wealthy man was on his deathbed. As he felt the time of the end approaching, he called to his bedside; his doctor, his banker and his lawyer.

"I've been told" he said "that when you die, you can't take your money with you - I intend to prove that to be false". "I'm going to give each of you a package containing $1,000,000. When I'm gone, I want each of you to promise that you'll put the packages in my casket."

Each of the three solomnly promised to do so, and when the man died shortly thereafter - each placed their sealed package into the casket. After the funeral service, the three men began to talk about what they'd just done.

"I have to admit" said the doctor, "I really needed some extra funds for a new wing at the hospital - so I took out $200,000 before I put the money in the casket".

"Well, now that it's confession time, I must admit that I kept $500,000 to offset some losses at the bank - and put the rest in the casket", the banker admitted.

"I'm shocked and appalled at both of you!" said the lawyer. I faithfully kept my promise and and put in a check for the entire amount!"

[Buster]

Another one...Buster....


There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. ''Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?'' a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, ''Nope.'' As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, ''I thought you said your dog didn't bite!'' The old man muttered, ''Ain't my dog.''

[bdahunter]

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women, and loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillancecameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it
right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them
in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN !"

And last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,

Walmart

[EPC Guy]

EXCELLENT, BDA - I may have to try one or two of these myself!

[Buster]

Another Wal Mart one...Buster......

A woman decides to try horseback riding, even though
she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts
the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into
motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic
pace, but the woman begins to slip from the saddle. In
terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot
seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck,
but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The
horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its
slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the woman attempts
to leap away from the horse and throw herself to
safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in
the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the
horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against
the ground over and over.

She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great
fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and
unplugs the horse.

[bdahunter]

I Still Love It, Buster!

BDA

[gordiesgirl]

2 Hillbillys walk into a restraunt and see a woman choking, The first one said " O my Gawd I think that lady is chokin" His freind grabs the lady lifts her skirt and pulls her panties down and licks her bottom.
The woman is so shocked that the frenchfry she was choking on pops out of her throat.
The first Hillbilly says, " well I'll be I have heard of the hindlick meneuver, But I aint never seen it done afore.

[Buster]

...Buster....

[anne]

A Scarecrow won the Nobel Peace Prize








They said he was







Outstanding in his Field