New Country Thread

[Buster]

I just love dog jokes...Buster....

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees
$10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops,
please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the
dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows
the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look
both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The
dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a
bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at
the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows,
dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes
in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back
paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher
follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the
stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run,
and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does
this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a
wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against
a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A
big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the
dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What are you
doing? This dog's a genius!"

The owner responds, Are you nuts, It's the second time
this week he's forgotten his key!"

[bdahunter]

Check Out the Guys in the Picture Below, note the flip flops holding the power cord.

[bdahunter]

A young cowboy A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college, but half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, ol' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course." So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Ol' Blue doing, son," his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Read!" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives.
But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
"Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing' around with that little redhead who lives in town?"
The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a gun before he talks to your Mother!"
I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer

[EPC Guy]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.


When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father


died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.





One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful


woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an


ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and


I'll inherit 20 million dollars."





Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she


became his stepmother.





Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

[bdahunter]

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old
woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned
her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the
box, but oneday the little old woman got very sick and the doctor
said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old
man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what
was in the box.When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and astack of money
totaling $95,000.He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be
married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy
marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I
should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back
tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been
angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He
almost burst with happiness.'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what
about all of this money?
Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

[Buster]

Here's another...Buster...

A man was driving down the road with 20 penguins in the back of his car when he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman said "Excuse me Sir, you can’t drive around with 20 penguins in the back of your car, take them to the zoo please", the man confirmed that he would indeed take them to the zoo.

The next day the same man again with 20 penguins in the back of his car drives down the same road and passes the same policeman. Annoyed, the policeman pulls him over again. "Oi mate" he says "I told you yesterday to take them penguins to the zoo". The man replied "I did officer....and today I'm taking them to the movies!"

[gordiesgirl]

cute Buster, LOL

[bbqcook]

I got 86% Dixie
Take this test and don't change answers, it will change your score


The Yankee or Dixie quiz

[rlemp]

I is a Yankee, but I only scored 46% Yankee...Prolly cause from age 6 to 10 I grew up with a woman who was from Kentucky Y'all!!! Now where's my grits and johnnycakes???

HH,

rlemp

[bdahunter]

I'm 55% Dixie and I'm a Canadian living in Bermuda. It must be all those Southern Boys who work for me, rubbin' off.