New Country Thread

[bigbillinsc]

Lmao...lmao,,,,lmao....

[Buster]

Can't help it but here is another.......Buster....



Country Funeral Story

As a young minister in Kentucky, I was asked by a funeral director to
hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, who had no family or friends.
The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and
this man would be the first to be buried there.
I was not familiar with the backwoods area, and I soon became lost.
Being a typical man, I did not stop to ask for directions. I finally arrived
an hour late.
I saw the backhoe and the open grave, but the hearse was nowhere in
sight.
The digging crew was eating lunch. I apologized to the workers for my
tardiness,and I stepped to the side of the open grave. There I saw the vault lid
already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, as
I told them that this was the proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around the grave and stood silently, as I began
to pour out my heart and soul. As I preached about "looking forward to a
brighter tomorrow" and "the glory that is to come," the workers began to say
"Amen,"
"Praise the Lord," and "Glory!" The fervor of these men truly inspired
me.So,I preached and I preached like I had never preached before, all the way
from Genesis to Revelation.
I finally closed the lengthy service with a prayer, thanked the men,
and walked to my car. As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I heard
one of the workers say to another, "I ain't NEVER seen nothin' like that before,
and I've been puttin' in septic tanks for thirty years".

[EPC Guy]

I love it, Buster!

[anne]

The Sensitive Man


A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.

They get back to his place,

and as he shows her around his
apartment.

She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is

completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the
bedroom,

with hundreds and hundreds of cute,

cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them

and she was immediately touched

by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf,

medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,

and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.


She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy

to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,

She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side.

but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,

after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,

'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds,

and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom

where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,

more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,

they are lying there together in
the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,

'Well,how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her,

strokes her cheek,

looks deeply into her eyes,

and says:

'Help yourself to any prize

from the middle shelf'

[Buster]

Oh My Anne,,,that was good........Buster...........

[bdahunter]

Joey Ferracuti the altar boy went to confession, "Forgive me father for I have sinned" he told the priest.
"What is your sin" asked the priest.
"I have had knowledge of a young woman at my school" replied Joey.
"This is a grave sin, Joey" said the priest. "Who was the other party"?
"To protect the young woman's honor, I cannot say, Father" said Joey.
"Come now, this is confession and completely confidential" replied the priest. "Was it Maria Pegliory"
Joey stood his ground "I really must not tell" he said.
"It would be better if you confessed completely" continued the priest. "Was is it Gina Patoucci then?"
"Dear God, father; as a gentleman I mustn't say" retorted young Joey.
"Well it must be Christina Scrivo then" guessed the priest.
"As God is my witness, I'll never tell" exclaimed Joey raising his voice.
The priest had finally had enough and said to Joey in a low tone "You disappoint me Joey, as an altar boy you must set a better example; say 20 Hail Marys and 20 Our Fathers to repent your sin." The priest continued "Because you will not confess completely, you must do a further penance of relinquishing your role as an altar boy for 4 weeks".
"I understand" said Joey solemnly, then he left the confessional.
As Joey walked out of the church his best friend Angelo Migallory was waiting for him and asked "Well, how did it go?"
"It went great" said Joey.
"What do you mean it went great" queried Angelo?
"I got 3 good leads and a months vacation" said Joey "It doesn't get much better than that"!

Cheers,

BDA

[Buster]

Good one BDA.............Buster.........

[EPC Guy]

Anne & BDA....LMAO!

[anne]

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year
Morris would say, 'Esther, I 'd like to ride in that helicopter'.
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty
dollars -- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'.

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm
85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance


Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter is fifty dollars -- and fifty
dollars is fifty dollars'.

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll
take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride
and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty
dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of
fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks
over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot
turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you
to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when
Esther fell out, but you know -- fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

[Digging Fool]

A man was walking down the street one day, and saw his buddy on the other side. "Hey, Roscoe, how's it going?", to which the man says"don't call me Roscoe, call me Lucky". OK, why? Roscoe says "I was walking by that building over there yesterday, and they were taking a piano out of the window when the rope broke and it came crashing down, missing me by inches" Call me Lucky... Next day....they meet again. Hello, Lucky.....No, No, No,....Roscoe says "call me Lucky Lucky" OK, what happened now? Roscoe says "me and the lady were making love last night, and the boiler exploded, sending the chandollier light fixture crashing down, right across my rear-end. Took 60 stitches to sew it up". "OK...how does this make you lucky"?, says the other man. Roscoe replies "if that had happened 5 minutes earlier, it would have hit me in the back of the head, probably killing me"