New Country Thread

[bbqcook]

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the corebeliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneckfriends.Ya'll know who ya' are.

You might be a redneck if:It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, 'One nation, under God.'



You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.



You might be a redneck if:You still say ' Christmas' instead of 'Winter Festival.'



You might be a redneck if:You bow your head when someone prays.



You might be a redneck if:You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.



You might be a redneck if:You treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have.



You might be a redneck if:You've never burned an American flag, nor intend to.



You might be a redneck if:You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.



You might be a redneck if:You respect your elders and raised your kids to do the same.



You might be a redneck if:You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

[Buster]

Good Post Earl...Well said.......Buster...

[homefire]

Wow, Earl! I just realized I may be a Red Neck!

[Buster]

Here is another winner....Buster......


A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they
were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by
two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back
together again.The boy asked, 'Paw, what's that?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my whole life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is.' While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to ligh t in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son....Boy..................go git cha Momma..............

[Digging Fool]

Originally Posted by Buster

Here is another winner....Buster......


A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they
were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by
two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back
together again.The boy asked, 'Paw, what's that?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my whole life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is.' While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to ligh t in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son....Boy..................go git cha Momma..............

That's a good one, Buster!!

[Digging Fool]

This old man had never been off the farm, but decided to take a Greyhound bus to visit his daughter in the city. The bus made a stop in Chicago to board more passengers. A young "punk" kid with purple-colored hair set down in the seat next to the old bib-overall wearin' man. The old man kept staring at this young kid, and couldn't take his eyes off of him. After about an hour of stares from the old man, the kid finally asked "sir, when you were young, didn't you do any foolish things just for the hell of it?" The old man replied..."yeah...I had sex with a peafowl once, and I was wondering if you might be my son"

[bdahunter]

So there's this Pirate with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the pirate who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then he gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran pirate blush. At that point, he is so mad that he throws the parrot into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets _very_ quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on. By the way, what did the chicken do?"

[Buster]

That's a good one BDA....Buster.........

[homefire]

Mind you this is a true B.S. story:

I was about 7 years old. My father was in the USAF and we had just returned from Turkey and was relocated to Nebraska. My mother paid for her two cousins to come and visit us. They spent days on the bus. Got to the house and all was well. My mom being one of 11 brothers and sisters was happy to see family again. That made my father happy. I was happy to see someone I knew was family.

Note: Being from the Adirondacks they was not exactly city folk. This is back in the 60's.

Well they was exploring the wonders of the new world. Cracked up by water coming out of the gizmo in the sink, The little thing on the wall that lite the lamps, and such.

To make a long story shorter, they had no electric in there house. No running water in there house.

After the dust had settled and everyone was settled in, we kept hearing the toilet flushing. My mother went to investigate and found them both sitting on the side of the bath tub with there feet in the toilet .....Flushing it over and over again. They said how wonderful, you have a foot washer!

This Is A True B.S. Story! So Help Me God!




I may just be a Red Neck!

[Gary]

Sorry I only know prison jokes,but I'm glad I can learn some clean ones now!