New Country Thread

[PAPPY]

PAPPY is going to start a NEW THREAD today ( A spin-off ) if you will of the YOU MAY BE COUNTRY IF thread. This thread is called "OVERHEARD AT THE GENERAL STORE". It will be composed of any humor, quips, jokes that you have heard at the GENERAL STORE or SUPER MARKET as the city folk say **CONCERNING COUNTRY FOLK*** KEEP IT CLEAN and we can have some fun..

I'LL Start it off with this one....

TWO GOOD OL' BOY'S came down out of the mountains for a rare shopping trip to the county seat. Cruising along Main Street, they noticed a sign that said, "Suits--$5.00, Pants--$3.00 and Shirts-- $1.00.
WOW,one said. That's reasonable. So they parked, added up their money and walked into the store. "We each want five suits, five pairs of pants and five of them shirts," they told a man behind the counter.
The clerk looked them over for a second and casually asked, "You boys from Tick Ridge?" "Yeah. How did you know that?" "Because this is a dry-cleaning store said the clerk.

OH WELL, Someone elses turn now...:reindeer:

[LeoinPA]

Now is the season to start thinking about ice fishing. One guy collected his gear together and went off to a quiet time doing just that. Shortly after setting up, and getting cozy a booming disembodied voice was heard saying "There's no fish in there". The guy collected his gear, and moved on a little bit. Soon the voice was heard again. "There's no fish in there". Happened again, and finally out of desperation, the guy looked around and spoke to the voice, "That you God?" The voice without hesitation responded loudly "No; I'm the manager of the civic arena, getting ready for a hockey game, and I know there are no fish in there"

Thanks :grinningelf:
Leo

[EPC Guy]

A sweet little blonde country girl called her boyfriend one evening and asked if he'd come over to help work on a new jigsaw puzzle she'd just purchased.

"What's the puzzle supposed to look like when you're finished?" The boyfriend asked.

"It's a picture of a rooster," the girl replied, "and it's got about a million pieces."

When the boyfirnd arrived, he looked at the pieces - and then carefully inspected the box...he then took the girl by the hand and set her down in a chair and said:

"Honey, I hate to say this, but you are never going to get all those pieces to look anything CLOSE to a rooster...so why don't you and I have a nice cup of tea - and then we'll put all the cornflakes back in the box...."

[Buster]

Good Ones...Buster.......

[PAPPY]

Growing up back in the Depression, I got so sick of taking potatoes to school for lunch that I could hardly stand it.
Mother boiled them, fried them and baked them, but nothing helped.
So one day when I was feeling particularly sorry for myself, temptation won out and I switched lunches. I grabbed the heaviest lunch on the cloakroom shelf and took off.
Out behind the school where nobody could see me. I eagerly opened my new lunch sack..to find three hickory nuts and a claw hammer. That's when I realized there are worse things than eating potatoes for lunch every day.:snowman:

[MinelabMan]

In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a judge.

After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, 'Case dismissed!'

The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah...yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!'

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, 'Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!'

The lawyer pompously said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?'

The judge said, 'Well it comes every year on exactly the same date---April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his holiday!

Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!!

[dougdann]

Over time I will add alot to this one.
I have been working at a meat cutter for 20 years.

Used to have a customer come in and she would ask " May I see a 6 shrimp?"
i would she show her and she would reply, and mind you she is serious and not joking "That is not enough, let me see what a half dozen looks like" .

This cracks up other employees. (smile)



Doug

[sarge1stone]

A reporter did a human interest piece on the Texas Rangers.
The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was
carrying and asked him "Why do you carry a .45?".
The Ranger responded with, "Because they don't make .46."
:merrychristmas:

[sarge1stone]

The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a
lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff,
I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?"
"No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? :grinningelf:

[PAPPY]

A basket of beautiful red apples sat halfway down the serving table at a small-town church's potluck dinner. A sign on the basket read, "Take only one...God is watching you."
A few feet farther along, diners found a second sign, this time on a big plate of chocolate chip cookies. It read, "Take as many as you like..God is watching the apples."