The Great Escape - Pirate in the Blood - Pt 1

[bdahunter]

Now a lot of you know me as the Bermuda Pirate working the surf here and finding gold and silver but what they don't know is that my pirate nature started at an early age.
Like all parents, mine packed me off to kindergarten at the ripe old age of 5 years old (5 1/2 actually, back then you still counted 1/2's and even 1/4's). I was a good little student, how hard can fingerpainting and building blocks be?, but I was a little headstrong and independent according to my report cards. I liked most of the other tikes in my kindergarten class and especially Miss Swain who was a real hotty with a beehive hairdoo, Jackie O suits and kewl jewllery. It took me a little while to figure out that Miss Swain was a little too old for a young lad of my tender years and I was crushed when her boyfriend dropped in on our class one day. What did he have that I didn't have I thought.
Fortunately for me there was a cute little girl with the bluest eyes and the sweetest dimples who felt the same way about me as I felt about Miss Swain, Cindy Walker. It didn't take me long to switch my attentions to Cindy, especially after Miss Swain had rejected my heartfelt affections. Cindy and I would chat and share our games and toys at play time and at nap time we always wound up close to each other so we could flirt with each other while the other kids slept.

Now the highlight of the day was 'Story Time' and all the kids would sit in a circle while Miss Swain read us a story (they were usually a little tame because they were school cirriculum approved but it was good just the same). While we were sitting cross-legged at story time, and it wasn't a particularly interesting story (no dragons or pirates and such) , Cindy and I got to chatting and flirting. Miss Swain stopped reading the story and told us to ssshhhh!, so we did for a little while. Now Cindy was a real sweety so she reached over and tickled me after Miss Swain had started reading again. I laughed and tickled her back which made her giggle, Miss Swain put down the book and said in a stern voice "If you two misbehave one more time I will have to put you in the corner!". Miss Swain was so cute when she was angry but I was a little confused about what 'in the corner meant'?? I was familiar with getting the switch or my hand slapped but 'being put in the corner' was a foreign concept to me. Cindy seemed thoroughly chastened by this threat though so I assumed it must be something pretty bad.
Miss Swain went back to the story and I leaned over to Cindy to tell her that she shouldn't have tickled me cause we were now in trouble and Cindy stuck her tongue out at me so I stuck my tongue out at her. Cindy gave me a little shove for my being rude and that was it, Miss Swain closed up the book and ordered Cindy to go stand in the corner. Well Cindy started balling her eyes out which made me feel pretty bad and slunk over to the corner that Miss Swain was indicating with her finger, where she stood and sobbed. Miss Swain then ordered me to go stand in the opposite corner. From the way Cindy was acting I figured that this was just the beginning of the punishment and it was going to get pretty ugly so I was having none of this, "NO!" I said.
Miss Swain looked rather confused by my defiant response and ordered me into the corner yet again and pointed her finger at me and then at the corner. (suddenly Miss Swain didn't look so cute)
I said very calmly but firmly "No, I will not".
Miss Swain put the storybook down on floor, got up from her chair and tottered over to me on her high heels, the Jackie 'O' suit she was wearing made walking even more difficult. I could tell she meant business and our previous (onesided) relationship was not going to stay her hand. She bent over to grab me by the shoulders and physically usher me into the corner and her large blue plastic beads swung down into my face. I was having none of this so I grabbed the beads to squirm out of her grasp and the string holding them together snapped!
Man Oh Man! There were blue plastic beads flying all over the place and the other kids broke from the circle to grab them up, Miss Swain staggered back and almost fell over a couple of kindergarteners who were crawling behind her picking up the scattering beads.
"Oh, Oh!" she cried out grasping at the few remaining beads on her necklace.
By the shocked look on Miss Swain's face I could tell that I was deep in the sh-t now and it immediately occurred to me that now would be a good time to leave. 'Home would be a safe place to be' I thought, so I leapt to me tiny feet and bolted for the classroom door.
"ERIC! Come Back Here!" Miss Swain screeched. I don't know what possessed me but I spun around in the doorway and shook my finger at her and said "You're Not Going to Catch Me!". I spun on my heel and sprinted up the hallway to the main exit and freedom.

BDA

[bdahunter]

I ran up the main hallway leading from the kindergarten classroom to the main foyer and the exit doors. I passed the gymnasium and leapt up the stairs to the next level. Miss Swain was now in hot pursuit but she could do no more than totter after me in those high heels and her tight dress, so I was leaving her in my dust. Unfortunately, Miss Swain could still yell pretty good, even if she couldn't run worth beans. She was screeching at the top of her lungs "STOP THAT BOY! - STOP THAT BOY!"; what an ear splitting screech she had. It wasn't going to do any good I thought to myself because I could see the main doors up ahead and I only had to get past the student washroom on the left and the 'opportunity' classroom on the right; then I would be out the doors, into the schoolyard and ultimately home! (the opportunity class was where the retarded and disable kids attended school)
Just as I passed the door to the opportunity class a girl from the opportunity class came out of the washroom, she was the size of a linebacker for the Green Bay Packers but with the innocent face of a kid with Down's Syndrome. She hunkered down and shifted back and forth like a goalie for the Toronto Maple Leafs and I could tell she was determined to stop me. I didn't even slow down, I deeked left and dodge right but she was really good at playing goal. This huge girl's left arm swept out and grabbed me across the chest and under my right arm, then with seemingly no effort at all she hauled me back into her chest and clamped down on me with a powerful bearhug. Whoosh! all the air in my lungs was pressed out of me, I couldn't breath and I saw stars. This girl was not going to let go and there was nothing I could do about it. I started to go limp and my vision clouded over, when thankfully Miss Swain caught up to me and got the opportunity girl to release me from her death grip. I dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes and gasped for breath on my hands and knees, trying not to throw up. This was not turning out well, at all. When I finally caught my breath Miss Swain and the 'Linebacker' escorted me to the Principal's Office. Miss Swain sat me down on one of the chairs that lined the hall in front of the office (I would later learn that these were for detention) and went into the office to talk to Principal Wiseman. The 'Linebacker' gave me a look that indicated she would be happy if I tried to escape but I had no desire to wind up in her arms again so my butt remained firmly on the seat of the chair. I could hear Miss Swain screeching and then I heard a bellow like an angry ogre (that must be the principal). Out of his office stormed Mr. Wiseman a great bear of a man with a bald head and the loudest voice I have ever heard, this guy never used a microphone the whole 9 years I was under his guidance.
"What was I thinking", "How dare I grab my teacher's beads", "Trying to runaway from School" he bellowed. I was petrified!, suddenly standing in the corner didn't seems so bad, whatever it entailed. He raged on and on while I tried to melt into the chair. My older sister was summoned to the office to explain my actions to Mr. Wiseman. (she never really forgave me for that one) Finally, the time came for me to apologize to Miss Swain which I did willingly as I had never meant to break her beads, I was just trying to get away from her. Apology accepted, Mr. Wiseman asked me if I would ever do something like that again? Naturally, I said "No"; Mr Wiseman put me over his knee and gave me a swat on the @#$%& that made my eyes bug out.
"NO What?" he said.
"NO!, NO!" I responded.
WHACK! "NO WHAT?" he repeated.
"NO, NEVER!" I yelled
WHACK! - WHACK! "NO, S-I-R!!" he replied.
"NO!, NO!, NEVER!" I hollered.(where the heck was he going with this???)
"WHEN YOU ADDRESS ME, YOU ALWAYS SAY S-I-R!!" bellowed the principal.
"YES" said I, WHACK! was his response. This was getting monotonous and my @#$%& was now on fire.
"Yes, WHAT?" he asked. "Yes, Yes" I stammered, close to tears now but trying to hold them back for all I was worth. I could see my sister standing against the wall across from me and she was white as a sheet with fear but bless her heart she was mouthing the word "S-I-R".
The lightbulb finally came on "YES, SIR" I cried out. "Good" said the ogre and that was it. I followed Miss Swain slowly back to my kindergarten class (man was my @#$%& sore), my sister returned to her class and all was right in the world again.
Cindy was still standing in the corner but at least she had stopped sobbing.(our budding romance never recovered) Storytime was cancelled that day and I was good for at least a week until I discovered that the teachers had tea in the other room while we were having naptime. I got a few of my mates to climb out the window with me and play tag during naptime on a beautiful day when I didn't want to be napping but that's another story.

Cheers,

BDA

PS Upon graduation from highschool I received a two page handwritten letter from Mr. Wiseman (now retired) praising my accomplishment and expressing his unending faith in me to go out and do some good in this world, to be successful and to continue to make him proud. I was deeply touched by his letter and I still am. I try to live up to his expectations, everyday. His hand left a strong impression on my @#$%& but his letter made an even deeper impression on my life.

[Buster]

Boy oh boy BDA...you were the rebel back then...I can almost tell where this is going to lead... Yes it did lead to that point...Good story for sure...Buster.....

[Dugday]

Looks like you turned out pretty good after all. WTG bdahunter!

[rip]

Thats to funny ! I was a little helliun myself.I was kicked out of the first grade and had to be home schooled by my Mom.I hated school and would bolt for the door every chance i got.I made it the last time and walked 12 miles through the woods home.They had everyone from the boy scouts to the state police looking for me and they finnally found me at home .I'll never forget it,I hid in the woods and waited till the coast was clear and ran in the backdoor.There was a junk room just inside the door and I hid under a bunch of box's.My Dad found me and gave me a good @#^&**%# woopin and sent me to bed.But about 10 min's later he came back and gave me a drink and black liqurice gum drops.My Dad still gives me black licurice and I have a freezer full.

[pris]

I always end up on the edge of my seat with your stories, Eric. Your sister seems like a sweetie for sure! You sure do capture all those little details well, like not understanding stuff real well at that age. Great story, yet again.

RIP, that sure explains a lot I love liquorice too. Yum!

[ERnurse]

That was hilarious. I stayed in trouble all the time as well. Remind me to tell you about the Electricity going out.

[rip]

Originally Posted by pris

RIP, that sure explains a lot I love liquorice too. Yum!

Have you ever tryed liquorice for an upset stomach,It realy works great for hangovers !

[pris]

Hm. Is that why your dad would bring it to you along with a "drink" He wasn't being nice to you, he was trying to keep you sedated!!! You wild kid, you

[rip]

Originally Posted by pris

Hm. Is that why your dad would bring it to you along with a "drink" He wasn't being nice to you, he was trying to keep you sedated!!! You wild kid, you

Well now that you mention it,I remember one of the first times I got drunk the next day Dad kept feedin me nyquill and I think i got drunk and SICK all over again !